Yesterday, I survived another revolution around the sun. Not all at once, mind you, but rather, I marked the completion of the trip. I am now nearly 30, something that never ceases to astonish me when I consider it. I want to take this as an opportunity to reflect on what I’ve done and what I still have left to do, in this year and the ones beyond.
First and foremost, I am grateful for the time and experiences I’ve had on this earth. These days were not promised to me, and better people than I did not get to see them. This is something I try to remember daily. In fact, it’s something I literally wear on my sleeve. My left forearm bears the scars I put there, in the form a tattoo, a remembrance of one who came and went before me. My friend, my capoeira instructor, Brasa. He crashed his car and died the night the Giants won the Super Bowl in 2008. He was 22. Now, 10 years later, I struggle to remember his face and his jokes (Other than one of his favorite lines, “God talks through me, but only when He’s shit-faced”). But whenever I look at my arm, I remember how short time is here. I don’t know why I was gifted more time than he was. I don’t know how much more of that gift I have left.
How have I used my time? I’ve accomplished some things. I became educated at Santa Clara University, with great honors. I was inducted into Phi Beta Kappa, a society with an honest-to-god secret handshake. I’ve pursued mastery in my passion, the martial arts. I’ve raised myself higher as a capoeirista than Brasa ever had a chance to, and I’ve become a teacher of that art in my own right. I don’t think he’s looking down on me, but if I’m wrong, I hope he’s proud. I’ve learned that I can get the hell kicked out of me and kept fighting – I’ve survived everything that the Academy of Self Defense could throw at me, and I’ve achieved my Green Belt in Krav Maga. I’ve lost more grappling competitions than I’ve won, but I’ve thrown myself into the arena. I’ve become a competent salesman and businessman – surprising myself most of all. I’ve been named the MVP in Sales of my tech startup, and I’ve had the opportunity to live the Silicon Valley dream, seeing Egnyte explode from 40 to 400, and still growing strong. I’ve read some good books. I’ve had spiritual experiences that would make me sound insane in the retelling. I’ve become an uncle – easily the most pivotal event of my life that required the least work on my part. I’ve tried to be a good student of the arts I’ve studied, and I’ve tried to share what lessons I’ve learned with the next generation.
Still, as I reflect, I see how far I have to go to accomplish what I want from my life. I want to be a great mentor, a leader, and a coach. When I go, whenever that may be, I want the world to notice. I want to share myself with the world more. I want to partake in the great chain of human knowledge. I don’t want these things I’ve done and seen to die with me. And I don’t want to leave without accomplishing my goals.
So, what is next? I must continue to chase my passions. I will pursue my martial arts goals. I will become a capoeira mestre. A Krav Maga black belt. And I will earn my black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I will master my body and my mind in these pursuits. These goals are far from me now, but I will chase them diligently each day.
I will build a virtuous life that I can admire in the reliving on my deathbed. I will build a life of principle based on my philosophical and spiritual inquiries, and I will be someone that others will want to emulate. I will serve my community by building myself up, and lifting up those around me. When I am gone, people will feel the loss, but be bolstered by the lessons that I taught them in how I lived my life. I want to pass from this world as a great teacher, surrounded by students who carry parts of me onward to unknown futures.
I will master my trade of sales and persuasion. I will lead people through the fog of their emotions to the resolution of their problems, and I will add value as a trusted mentor and guide. I will be an expert in my fields, and I will share the knowledge that I have with the world in an ongoing conversation. I will never stop learning or teaching. I will solve people’s problems, add value to their lives, and be rewarded appropriately for it with wealth, be it social or physical.
These are the principles I want to live by and the life I want to move toward. These are aspirational, and not at all representative of the life I live now. The gap between my lived and professed ethics is a chasm. But I feel as though I am aiming at the right things.
In this 29th year, I resolve to work hard and live fully. To build myself and my community. To make my life and my world different, and better than before. In short, I resolve to use my time, however much of it be left. I leave you with the words that have been ringing in my head this birthday, beautiful words from Jack London:
“I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out
in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom
of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.”